The next 7 months (girl 10- 14)

As I look back on back then. This job was the best thing for me. I started and within 2 months I became a top trainer. About a month later my destiny would come to a crossroads. I had been seeing my second love during this time. basically we were the same as before only without a title or any promise of pursuing a future together.

As it got closer to winter I was presented with an opportunity to move to florida with my company to help them set up a second office. Instead of taking my own personal inititive because of being torn due to my love for my ex, I left that decision in her hand. In a sense I gave her an ultimatum. I told her that I had two weeks to make a decision and told her about the opportunity. I told her that the only thing holding me back was her and wanting to reconcile. She asked to be given 2 weeks to think about it. When the time arose I asked her for an answer, but she couldn't give me one so I left.

A month later she asked me to come back, but it was to late. i spent the next few months kicking ass and taking names when it came down to hustling. for once I really felt good about myself because I was a superstar at what I was doing.

This job lead into girl number 10 through 18.

Girl number 10 was a drunken hookup at northen university of illinois. Nothing special to say about this one. She was wasted at a party and started to seduce me. practically dragged me to her dorm room.

Girl number 11: While pitching people in the parking lot in florida, I saw this chick walking from the back and she had an amazing ass. I flipped the car around and caught up to her before she made it into subway. I got her attention, told her I thought she was beautiful and would love her number to contact her later due to being in a hurry because of work. She gave me her digits and we parted ways.

We chatted a few times over the phone before setting up a date. During the calls and the date there were red flags, but i ignored them anyways. She had just come out of an abusive relationship and became attached to me very quickly. We ended up having sex in my car. the very next day while I was working she went nutso via text and voicemails. I had left my phone on silent and when I checked it I had easily 6 or 7 messages from her ranging from her calling me an asshole for ignoring her to apologizing to other nasty pleasantries. needless to say I crossed this one off the list right away.

Girl 12- This one was fabulous. I was out one night at a pool hall with one of my speaker buddies. At the table next to use were 2 girls and some dude. One chick was a chunker doodle and the other was thins cute columbian chick. her and I kept exchanging glances the entire time. Right before my buddy and I left I walked over to them and chatted them up a bit and got a cigarette. After a few minutes the guy in the group put on his captain alpha cape and got all white ghetto hard. I walked away not wanting to deal with his bullshit. While walking to my car the colombian came outside and yelled my name. I turned around and walked over to her. She asked me for my number, apologized for her friend and kissed me.

We started interacting via text and the phone. her and I set up a double date. I showed up for her and some black dude showed up for her chunker doodle. During pool there was this sexual energy between us and I wound up with a permaboner that popped up. The four of us made it about 45 mins and we had to leave. All of us wanted to get laid. I took the 3 of them to my apartment. During that time I was sharing an apartment with 4 other people.

My bedroom was our living room and we had few items of furniture. Within minutes the black dude and the chunker doodle disappeared into one of my roommates rooms. With my columbian chick in my living room we enjoy a brief chat over a couple of rum and cokes. I stripped her naked as well as myself and had sex with her. During this time the chunker doodle walked in and stuck around to watch us for a minute or two and left the room. After sex I sent everyone on there way due to the restraints of having to work the next day.

Her and I kept in contact, but I dropped the interaction when she brought up having an open relationship.

Girl 13 was another girl that I met while working. I was in traffic and I shouted over to her asking if she wanted a home theater. I got her to pull over, but she couldn't come up with money. Instead I ended up chatting her up, making out with her and getting her number. we chatted for awhile via text and the phone, but couldn't arrange a chance to meet up so i dropped it. About a month later out of the blue she contacted me again. We chatted abit, I lied saying I lost her number and that I had been thinking about her.

We finally got together at her place. We were going to go out, but I started making out with her and got her into the bedroom. This one I guess really cared about me. I lied my way into her pants because I wanted to sample her beautiful puerto rican vagina. afterward I didn't keep her around because I knew she wanted a relationship with me and I wasn't willing.

Girl number 14 was one of 12 in my black book that I have no idea the story behind the sex.

Sometime between girl 13 and 14, I was out with my buddies, C.P. and E.S., while on our way to a club at the Disney Resort Pleasure island I decided to snort a pill of XTC. Inside it turned into a whirlwind of conversation, makeouts and drinks. At some point C.P. introduced me to this hispanic beauty and it was on with her and I. I don't remember what was said, but we ended up making out and it was magical. At the end of the night when the club closed I walked her to the bus so she could go back to her hotel where she was a nanny for a family. I found out she had a boyfriend and kept going with it. I hopped on the bus with her, making out the entire way to her hotel.

Somehow in my drug induced perceptions i thought it would be fine to be able to go up to her room with her. That was a no. we continued our whirlwind short lived romanced by the bathrooms. Due to being in the moment and high, I didn't think to drag her into the bathroom. After awhile she called me a cab and I was sad when i had to leave. I was momentarily in love thanks to the drug. When the cab got there i hopped in and headed toward the vacation house myself and my co-workers were staying.

On the way there I realized that I had no more cash on me and had the cab drop me in the neighborhoods right by my place. I peaced out on the cab and ran my ass home. Upon arrival I turned on the hot tub, nopped in for awhile then went to bed.

Speakers, the art of the sale and the rush

Going into this job I was pretty innocent and naive. Through working on my craft and observing others I learned the psychology of the deal and ways to manipulate language in a way to omit facts and deceitfully tell the truth as well as preying on human emotions like greed and other human desires such as taking advantage of another’s desperation.

The main premise behind this job is letting your buyer believe that what you have is high end stereo equipment that’s extra and you are dumping it for cheap. Each speakerman has his own way of going about it. The most important elements are to embody the role via your emotions, body language and verbal language.

When I started I spoke the truth while at the same time omitting certain truths. Allowing another’s imagination to fill in the blanks of what hinted toward. Due to speaking the truth a new sense of excitement and enthusiasm came out of me and while working I would be transformed from a semi-shy individual to a loud super extroverted person.

This physical feeling as well as the rush of closing a deal became my personal drug. I loved going to work and loved the competition with others in the company I worked for. Within 2 months I became one of their best trainers. Little did how ridiculous the amount of money that was possible to make with this job. That would come years later when I was retrained by one of my friends. Hands down the best speakermen I’ve ever seen in my life. On top of this the path that I was going down had a price and would lead me to further self destruction and the seduction community.

Unhappiness

Up till this point the only thing I had tried was weed, shrooms, coke, heroin and pills.

In high school, during my senior year, I was perpetually stoned. I did this to escape the time that I was required to spend in school. My first three years in high school sucked. everything I had done to piss off the people that I had been in school will followed me and spread. While they flourished and made new friends, I felt that my invisible barrier of who I could be friends with became smaller and smaller.

I hit a point where I dreaded almost every second that I was there. There were few people that I was thankful for. They were underclassmen and didn't know about my past or social status in school. I spent my mornings wake n baking on the way to school. During 2nd hour I'd take a quick hit in the men's bathroom off my one hitter. Then during the end of 3rd or beginning of 4th I'd excuse myself to smoke up quickly to make they time magically disappear in my stoned stuper. Next on the list was lunch time, for the first 3 yrs I did not know what to do with myself. I spent it either in the computer room, hiding out somewhere else or working on something in the general forum. anything to keep me away from the giant room filled with people eating. yes I suffered from social anxiety. I avoided it out of fear of being rejected. It was easier to avoid and lie to myself then face what I ultimately wanted, which was acceptance.

I felt lonely and useless. Don't get me wrong I was smart and excelled at academics, but when it came to people you might as well have put a helmet on me and had me color in the corner of the room with crayons. it felt like i was destined to fail at this. No matter what I did to try to make freinds for the most part i failed. This unhappiness was what lead me to the drugs in the first place. Even worse when people did try to include me I would systematically unconcsiously sabotage my addition. Classic examples included turning down the few parties I was invited to. Sometimes I would come up with the same lame shit as you see in the movie superbad when asked how my weekend was.

Up until the end of my senior year, I had never once gone drunk. Due to not being able to skip school for senior ditch day with out being dropped from two necessary classes, I snuck in a 20 oz bottle filled with vodka and had a juice chaser. There had been a hottie in my math class that sat next to me that I wanted to hook up with so bad. Before and during class I was drinking. I felt this change come over me. I was more comfortable in my own skin, confident and funny. I walked out of that class with her number later to never call her.

This one experience lead me to the rapid hole that is alcohol. After high school, this new found drug became a staple as well as weed. I was responsible thou. I had a job so the weed was a yes during the week but alcohol was saved for the weekends.

No matter how hard I tried I found that I couldn't fix what was going on with me. 1 on 1 i was fine with or without drugs, but make the group more than four or have more than that in the room and I would NEED alcohol or I'd shut down. I never considered myself an addict even though I clearly am one.

Whenever some new drug came around I was down to try it. Always on the search to find something to fix me, even if it was only temporary. Depending on the drug it always amazed me the difference in the DR. Jekll/Mr. Hyde effect it would have on me.

I scoured the internet for legal drugs and experimented with all types of shit. I remember at one point the thought of death came into my conscience. I made a deal with myself I wouldn't slice my wrists, throw myself infront of a bus or hang myself; I promised myself this, but a drug overdose was ok to me. in fact there were times where i consumed more and more just to see what would happen, limits and boundries were replaced with carefree and recklessness. On one such experiment I ate a 1/2 oz of shrooms to come down feeling like I had permanently retarted myself. Within a week I was back to normal and hadn't learned my lesson and the drug/alcohol fueled craze continued.

Looking back I needed help, had opportunities for it and rejected my options at every crossroad i encountered them.

Eventually the way I felt plus a future job would lead into a lifestyle that would continue the downward spiral of unhappiness and provide me with the means to pursue and perpetuate a new level of lifestyle of self destruction.

Becoming a speakerman

While I was working at Burlington coat factory I was absolutely miserable with the job and couldn’t wait to get the fuck out of there. As soon as I got my license back I started answer ads for jobs. This job I happened to stumble across. Their ad stood out to me and said it was delivery. Within 3 days I had the job. My first day training I wasn’t sure what was going on, but went with it. My trainer was my future buddy J.B. he took me and another trainee out. We had a vehicle and a bunch of surround sounds and speakers in the back. He decided to drive out to the suburbs to work. I decided to just chit chat with the guy and figured we were on a delivery.

When he got to where he wanted to work he started pitching people driving. I was taken back by it for a minute, but payed attention. 3 hrs went by and he hadn’t sold anything yet. The other trainee started bitching and moaning. I looked back at him and told him to shut the fuck up and pay attention that this had to work, no way this guy has been doing this for 6 years and doesn’t make money. That was the last we heard him speak. Within the next hour I watched J.B. make $300. I was sold on this job right there and then because within 4 hours he made more than I was currently making in 40 hours.

The very next day I made my first sale and got off training.

Chance occurance with the Denny’s waitress- Girl #9

While working at Papa John’s I got sucked into the scam that is Quixtar. One night while having a meeting with 2 members of my upline, we were served by this smoking hot Asian. Her and I flirted a bit when she kept coming to the table. I left that night feeling content with not asking for her number. At the time I was dating Girl#7 so it was irrelevant.

Fast forward a couple months and we were broken up. I stopped by that denny’s since it was by my house with the intention of asking that waitress for her number. She wasn’t working and I found out that she no longer worked there. Oh well missed connection tis life or so I thought.

About a month went by and I was flowing through new groups of people. I ended up getting invited to a party. Fuck yea I was going to that shit. When I got there it was kinda dead, but I had faith that it would improve. About an hour goes by and I’m like fuck all that seems available are the undesireables.

I walk out onto the patio to smoke a cigarette when I hear a chick yelled out “OMG! It’s that guy. It’s Angel!” (David Boreanous). I look over to where this came from when I see her staring at me. It’s the Denny’s waitress. I walk over to her and her gay friend and chat them up.

After a bit someone mention that a liquor run needs to happen. I volunteer and ask the waitress to come with. We end up hooking up a bit in my car. She tells me her husband is overseas in the military. When we get back her ride isn't there. I offer her a lift home. Back at her place we smoke smoke weed, drink and end up having sex.

My intro to gay bars

This had an interesting effect on me. Till these experiences I never knew how aggressive men could be when it comes to sex. Anyways, in casual conversation with my ex- manager from Burlington coat factory, he invited me to hit up Hunter’s where he worked. I was semi hesitant at first, but figured fuck it why not. The promise of being hooked up with free drinks definitely sweetened the deal. Over the next few months or so I would frequent these places to hang out and get drunk. During this time I got man handled, groped, had my shirt torn off me, kamakazi kissed, been propositioned for sex/blowjobs in bathrooms, gotten countless free drinks, had guys and girls fighting for my attention and dealt with all types of dude.

Ex. Needy guy, Slut, Player, TS girls, etc, etc…

I had been tricked to go with chicks to parties because their “friend” fancied me. Over the span of all of it, it made me more comfortable with the gay community and made me realize some of the shit women deal with. There’s nothing worse in a bar then been constantly hit on terribly. The shit gets annoying real fast. This was the type of place that I knew that there was no way in hell I’d go rolling. Realized that one night while wasted. That’s another plus. The drinks are strong! That and when you are a straight guy at a gay bar you have no competition when it comes to picking up straight chicks out with their gay friends. Also very easy to get hooked up with them. There have been times that dudes have told their friend to sleep with me, that if I was gay he’d want me to bang him so she should do it instead since I’m straight. That social approval allows a woman to follow her instincts without being judged.

Burlington coat factory and other jobs

Due to my location and losing my license for 3 months due to a dui, I was stuck searching the surrounding area for a new job. Only problem- most places were fast food or grocery. I had already done both and trust me they both suck. When I was 15, I worked at subway. I was happy about it at the beginning. It helped me get out of my whopping $10 a week allowance. The job had it’s perks like free food, but also that was a down side because it helped me get fat. A summer of eating footlong double meat subs with 4x the bacon will do that, not to mention the sandwich creations I made up.

After I quit there I worked for dominick’s. Once again a job that was cool at first, but sucked in the long run. Eventually I had it and quit there to. During my time there I did do some fucked up shit. I used to steal alcohol from there. In the back room whenever even the slightest thing happened to liquor like a label coming off a bottle or a beer broke so what was left was an 11 pack, it would have to be put into damaged goods. There was no camera on that area. Trust me I had checked. So every now and then I would help myself to whatever I wanted. Another thing I did was hook up with one of the cashiers while she was dating another employee that I was friends with. I know. It was a douche move.

On to Burlington Coat factory, WORST JOB EVER! My job was in the warehouse. For 7 and a half hours a day, my job consisted of stapling price tags on the bottom of shoes. Yes I could listen to CD’s, but there’s only so many time you can listen to an album while doing that before you want to shoot yourself. While there I became friends with a bunch of the workers. One was this chick Marta. Boy did I have the hots for her. Another was this 17 yr old that wanted to bang me, definitely turned that down. Wasn’t looking for jail time. The third that had my interest was this single latina mom, for the life of me I can’t remember her name. I also became friends with the assistant manager. I was advise by him there not to go after Marta and the single mom because she was married and bullshit about it being frowned down upon by the corporation.

Little did I know that this job would introduce me to another world. Turns out the assistant manager was also a bartender at a gay bar and was bi-sexual, but that’s another story.

Jungle fever- Girl #8

While I was #7’s boytoy I met another woman. While at the Skokie court house awaiting court proceedings in my case for DUI number one, I took a stroll with my father and as we discussed somethings. In mid conversation I noticed this very cute black chick checking me out. As we looped around to the other side I proceeded to engage her in conversation. Wasn’t anything to fancy. Just my name, her name, basic bullshit and I got her number.

Afterwards my father and I went into the court room to have my case called. Nothing came out of this, but we’ll see you in a month and a half for more court bullshit. Gotta love the legal system.

Anyways I decided to chat this girl up via the phone and we hit it up great. At this time I had a piece of shit cell phone but at the same time a cell phone none the less. One eventful day I decided to set them up back to back. Mind you at this time I had no drivers license. I took the trains and hour and a half to my ex-gf’s house. Her and I fooled around, but stopped short of having sex. I was saving myself for possibly the other girl. My ex and I hung out abit and after awhile I excused myself saying I was going home.

I hopped on the next available bus and called up girl #8 to let her know I was coming, she gave me all the rest of the info I need then I hung up with her and called up my ex. I bullshitted with her until I got to the stop where girl numbers #8’s place was at. When I got off I realized it was on the edge of boys town and cabrini green.

I get over there and get up stairs to her one bedroom apartment. She’s just chilling in her pj’s watching porn. I was like damn. I had seen her before but she was wearing a coat. This time she had on some little booty shorts and a shirt that looked like it was going to burst from her huge tits. On top of this her waist was to say. Needless to say this was at that point in my life the hottest girl physically that I would fuck.

We started into the same normal small talk, which led into talking about sex (due to the porn), which led into kissing and groping each other on the floor. After awhile she got up, grabbed my hand and led me to the bedroom. Needled to say the sex was amazing. After blowing my load the first time we got into more kinkier talk. This led into a discussion whether I liked anal. I told her before that the girl I gave my virginity to used to finger me in the ass while she gave me head and I liked it.

This chick though I was full of shit so she hopped off the bed, went into her closet and pulled out a small vibrator. She climbed back on the bed and gave me this look like “Alright big talker let’s see if you can walk the walk instead of talk the talk”. She lubed it up, stick it in and proceeded to give me head. I loved it.

In the morning I had her drop me off back in Arlington heights due to having to work. In the weeks that followed I never called her back. For me this was a stupid mistake. We both clicked sexually and conversationally, but I allowed my feelings of loss and longing for my second love to take over and I pursued her instead.

Eminem says it best for me

I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just lettin you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel like you've been down the same road (same road)

[Intro (during Chorus):]
Yeah, it's been a ride
I guess I had to, go to that place, to get to this one
Now some of you, might still be in that place
If you're trying to get out, just follow me
I'll get you there

You could try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay 'em
But you won't take the sting out these words before I say 'em
Cause ain't no way I'ma let you stop me from causin mayhem
When I say I'ma do somethin I do it,
I don't give a damn what you think,
I'm doin this for me, so fuck the world
Feed it beans, it's gassed up, if it thinks it's stoppin me
I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I'm tearin down your balcony
No if ands or buts, don't try to ask him why or how can he
From "Infinite" down to the last "Relapse" album
he's still shittin, whether he's on salary paid hourly
Until he bows out or he shits his bowels out of him
Whichever comes first, for better or worse
He's married to the game, like a fuck you for Christmas
His gift is a curse, forget the Earth, he's got the urge
to pull his dick from the dirt, and fuck the whole universe

[Chorus]

Okay quit playin with the scissors and shit, and cut the crap
I shouldn't have to rhyme these words in the rhythm for you to know it's a rap
You said you was king, you lied through your teeth, for that
Fuck your feelings, instead of gettin crowned you're gettin capped
And to the fans, I'll never let you down again, I'm back
I promise to never go back on that promise, in fact
Let's be honest, that last "Relapse" CD was ehhh
Perhaps I ran them accents into the ground
Relax, I ain't goin back to that now
All I'm tryin to say is get back, click-clack, blaow
Cause I ain't playin around
It's a game called circle and I don't know how, I'm way too up to back down
But I think I'm still tryin to figure this crap out
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn't, this fuckin black cloud
still follows, me around but it's time to exorcise these demons
These muh'fuckers are doin jumpin jacks now!

[Chorus]

And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, I'ma face my demons
I'm manning up, I'ma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now! (now)

It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly, I probably did it subliminally
for you, so I could come back a brand new me you helped see me through
And don't even realize what you did, believe me you
I been through the ringer, but they could do little to the middle finger
I think I got a tear in my eye, I feel like the king of
my world, haters can make like bees with no stingers
and drop dead, no more beef flingers
No more drama from now on, I promise
to focus solely on handlin my responsibilities as a father
So I solemnly swear to always treat this roof, like my daughters
and raise it, you couldn't lift a single shingle on it!
Cause the way I feel, I'm strong enough to go to the club
or the corner pub, and lift the whole liquor counter up
Cause I'm raising the bar
I'd shoot for the moon but I'm too busy gazin at stars
I feel amazing and I'm

[Chorus]

Working at papa john’s

After getting shit canned 2x from IBEW 701, once for being immature and blowing off a day of work and the second time the following year for failing a hair follicle drug test, I started applying anywhere I could get a job. I ended up settling for becoming an employee of papa john’s in Buffalo grove. This was while I was dating my second love.

Eventually I was transferred to the Des Plaines store. While here I got to know a hot 16yr old that was totally into me. We flirted, I got her number but couldn’t go through with hanging out with her and possibly hooking up with her because my feeling for my gf. Also I was being trained to be a general manager to take over the Glenview store.

My routine was typical: Friends, work and my gf. One night before work I ate an 1/8 of shrooms while I was with my second love. It was a very magical time. The next day sucked though. I had to recover while I worked at Papa John’s needless to say I was temporarily semi retarded.

The job was alright for awhile. Easy money and all the pizza I could eat. Loved that part. Eventually I was moved to Glenview, here I was still being trained while I was GM. I made friends with my workers and the people that worked at the ice cream store next door. I’d hook them up when they were hungry and the workers there gave my employees all the free ice cream they wanted.

On one such visitation I met a girl that worked there. She had an amazing face and an alright body. We started to get to know each other and one day we ended up kissing. A week or so later I was semi training a guy who would become my friend. His name was Joe and he had worked at the papa john’s by norte dame. On one of the nights I left him to handle the store and went to visit the girl next door.

We went into the back room and started making out. I reached to pull down her pants and she said she was on her period. I proceeded to get her to give me a blowjob. Worst head of my life!!! So I fucked her face till I came.

Next thing I knew she became my stalker coming over looking all lovey dovey. Also at this time I was having my gf visit me at work due to my hours. I had it timed so that she would arrive at the Glenview train station and that my driver, Jivko, would go pick her up and bring her to me right after stalker girl had closed up and went home.

After awhile I got my friend Scott a job at my store. Stalker girl was still all about me. I told Scott the whole story, but he didn’t believe me about the terrible head. I told him to go for her then. He did and reported back that I was correct. Next thing I knew stalker girl was all about my friend. I know if was naughty to pass the torch to my friend, but fuck it.

For awhile this pattern continued of my gf coming over after the ice cream store was closed. It was pretty routine. We’d hang in my office and have sex while I was being paid. On one such occasion I decided to spice it up and fucked her while wearing the pizza slice costume papa john’s used as a prop on the street. Man I wish I recorded it!

A short time later I got my second DUI, this royally screwed things, but I was willing to make it work even though I was being fucked over by work. At one point I was working an average of 100 hrs a week on salary because I had to cover shifts. Due to both issues I had to get a day off to meet with my lawyer. My area manager covered for me, but a driver never showed up so he wanted me to come in. I told him I couldn’t and hung up.

The next day when I showed up to bust out a school order he was there. He was pissed and started yelling at me. I gave him a piece of my mind, told him to fuck off and quit.

Girl #7- My second love

Six months after my break up with my first love I found myself in downtown Chicago due to civil court. On a normal day I wouldn’t be finding myself in the city due to being 20 and unable to get into bars (I looked 17). After the hearing I was on my way back to the train station to get myself home. I contemplated getting something to eat, but decided to wait. I was craving a beef sandwich from Mr.Beef off of harlem and irving.

As I got down to the platform I noticed this really beautiful hispanic chick wearing headphones. I walked past her and situated myself a pillar away while I contemplated the best way to start conversation. As the train arrived I had found myself in no better situation then I had been earlier. We both got on and were forced to stand due to lack of available. I will confess I found myself fascinated and non chalantly kept checking her out. Yes I was semi starring.

At the next stop the guy at the closest seat got up and left. She sat down against the window and I approached. I asked if I could sit next to her. This lead into conversation about music, school, etc. till it was her stop. As she was getting up to leave I manned up and asked for her number. She happily gave it to her.

When I got home I immediately called her. I felt compelled to. I left a voice mail and she hit me back later. Over the course of the next few days we talked a lot and I asked her out on a date. I picked her up to see a movie. As soon as she opened the door my jaw literally dropped. She looked so gorgeous. We chatted on the way to the movie theater.

While inside and watching what was playing I could feel butterflies in my stomach. After a few attempts in which I mentally thwarted myself from kissing her I just couldn’t handle it any more. I planted one on her and we started making out. They were the softest lips I had ever kissed. Out of nowhere I felt like I had been struck by lightning. We spent the rest of the movie making out and at some point I asked her to be my girlfriend. She said yes of course.

Over the next month, we spoke on the phone a lot and hung out a lot. I could feel my feelings deepening. I knew I was in love with her. One day while laying on my bed I told her I had a secret to tell her. She said she had one too. We both professed that we were in love with each other. Within a week she gave me her virginity.

Our first time was terrible, she had given me head twice before hand then spung it on me that she wanted to have sex with me. I took her virginity, had sex for a bit and went completely limp. I made up for it later.

One challenge we had in our relationship was I was 20 and she was 21. There would be times were we couldn’t hang because I couldn’t get into bars. I introduced her to XTC. Rolling with her was so different than other times before. As time went by my fascination for her grew.

She was ultimately with me when I got my dui.

The demise of our bf/gf relationship came when almost a year into the relationship she became pregnant. Due to being inexperienced with this type of event I wasn’t really reassuring about that we would be ok. I allowed her to focus on the other things like how this will mess up school, her career and that I don’t have one yet. This led to us getting an abortion and ultimately breaking up.

About a month later, she called me up. She was in another relationship and that guy was trying to knock her up. This led into me being part of her support system. We started hanging out again. She started having sex with me again and stop with him, so I became the guy on the side. After awhile she dumped him and we had this friends with benefits relationship that was exactly the same as when we were in a committed relationship.

Come the end of August, I had gotten my license back and I got a new job selling speakers. I became very good at it and was a trainer. November rolled around and the company I worked for asked if I wanted to go down to florida to help them open up an office. I asked them for a couple weeks to think about it. I called her and told her the delema. That the only way I would stay was if we got back together because I still loved her. She asked to think about it. When it came down for me to make a decision she didn’t have an answer so I left for florida.

A month later she called me up asking me to come back to her. I told her no because I gave my word to help my work. We continued to chat on and off. In June of the following year, she led me on with the impression that she still wanted to be with me and I moved back for her. The first time we hung out she said “I hope you didn’t move back here for me”, I felt crushed. Our friendship fizzled, we stopped talking and started seeing other people.

Fast forward to the beginning of 2010, I was back from Denver. I was living in wicker park and had been a pickup artist for awhile now. We ended up hanging out and I brought her to my place. I sort of wanted to test out my seduction skills. She was on my bed and had a boyfriend. We ended up making out. When I tried to escalate she said we couldn’t, but making out was fine with her. Over the course of an hour it was an uphill battle and finally we ended up having sex for the last time. She rationalized it as not counting because I was the first person she had ever slept with. Later on I took her home and we’ve never seen each other since.

The start of alcoholism and stupidity

When I was 18 I was a hardcore stoner, spending good portions of my paycheck on pot. For a good percentage of the next 3 yrs, I was perpetually stoned. During this time I drank, but not so frequently.

When I hit 21 it stayed this way until I got a DUI. I played it save for awhile, but then the flood gates opened at 22. While living in florida in a vacation home with 11 other guys there was always someone down to smoke, drink or snort coke. My drug of choice by this time was XTC. Even this didn’t prepare me for what was to come as it became more of a downward spiral year by year.

At 23, I was rolling with a crew that loved to drink. They corrupted me in that aspect. I corrupted them with XTC. Frequency at the bars became 3, 4 or 5 times a week. On top of this cocaine was flowing. During this time it became habitual that my friend Mark and I would each spend easily $400 to $600 a week on getting drunk at the bars. We were young, invincible and nothing was going to stop us.

Eventually this lifestyle caught up with me on a typical night in November. For some reason, I didn’t want to go out. I just didn’t feel it and it was like my gut was telling me not to. Maybe it was intuition. Maybe it was the fact that I got into a fight with a security guard the night before at a bar. Maybe it was both. Ultimately I went out to shut my buddy Mark up.

We started up at what was once Bamboo Room after getting a great buzz on we shot over to coach house to finish up the night due to it being the after hours spot. It was here where the liquor kept flowing and I got trashed. By the end of the night I was high on life due to getting a bunch of girl’s numbers and making out with a bunch too. Mark offered to drive, but I turned him down.

The drive started off very typical. I went into standard drunk defensive driving mode. By the time we were a few miles from our apartment I missed my turn. At the next light I decided to make a left. Right at this moment something came over me. Maybe it was the feeling of invincibility, maybe it was not wanting to get home a few minutes later, but next thing I knew I was flying through a suburban neighborhood doing 100 miles an hour. Everything was fine in my mind as I took curves, flew past trees and got out of the neighborhood. I made a right and got stuck at a red light. I thought about blowing it, but decided to wait. The light turned green and I proceeded at the normal speed.

Within a minute and a half I got pulled over for my stunt in the neighborhood. Due to being intoxicated I walked right into the officer’s trap and gave him probable cause to write me a ticket. This led into a field sobriety and I earned myself DUI # 2.