The next 7 months part 4

During this period of freedom and independence my internal feelings and everyday emotions started to diminish. I became more and more depressed gradually over time. Even though at my core my job wasn’t in line with who I was as a person I denied this as a possible reason. I rationalized to myself that it must be because of the loss of my second love. That it was finally catching up with me. I covered these feelings with partying and drugs. This went on for a bit, I still kept doing what I was doing and on one fateful night while at a underground club looking for pills I met girl # 18.

It was nearing the end of the night and I ran across a very cute chick by one of the speakers. We chatted a bit and really hit it off. By the end of the night we had made out and exchanged numbers. We had a few phone calls before I picked her up for a date. Little did I know she lived in a halfway house. Was very interesting to meet all her roomies.

Anyways back to the story, we chatted the entire way to the beach. We laid down on a towel, had a couple beers and eventually I convinced her that it would be ok to have sex on the beach under the stars. Due to the rush and thrill of possibly getting caught I ejaculated within minutes. It was a good thing to because within a couple more minutes some dude came over to warn us about cops patrolling the beach. We hung out for a bit mire then I dropped her back off.

The next girl on my list is a question mark. I don't remember any details other than it says her name is stacy and she was 30 when I was 22. Couldn't tell you if the sex was good, if I was wasted or if she was even hot.

Some time after this last sexual encounter I guess I still longed for love. My second love and I had been chatting on a regular basis. Due to our conversations I was lead to believe that she still wanted to be with me so in July of 2006 I packed all my stuff and drove 20 hours straight back to Chicago for a shot at love with my ex. The first time we hung out she decided to mention that she hoped that I didn’t move back here for her.

This fucking devasted me because not only had I left my previous life to come back to chicago, but due to not keeping up with my some of my previous friendships, what I had before had atrophied on top of my ex not wanting to be with me.

The next 7 months part 3

As I continued living a life of unrestriction, not having a boss and semi financial independence I developed a longing for the love that I had before. I kept search for it but it didn’t manifest itself to me. During this time my ex and I kept talking and due to the way she worded her language I led myself to believe that there still was something. I didn’t take the plunge right away and move back to Chicago I decide to stay in florida and continue working with J.C. because it was comfortable for me. That and my friendships and circle I was a part of was growing , was fabulous and I didn’t want to give them up.

This led into partying all over tampa. On one such night on the way home from downtown I received a call from girl # 12. She was near my place, had some people with her and wanted to hang out. When they got over it turned into something I didn’t expect. She started talking about how the blond with her was lover of her and she wanted to have a 3some with me and her sometime in the future. The four of us chatted for a few minutes while drinking beer, next thing I know the Colombian disappears into my roommates room with the guy that came with thus leaving me with her blond lover.

Her and I kept talking while the other two were having sex. After they were done there was slight silence from the room from them. Next they start talking about how the blond and I are still talking and weren’t having sex. The colombian pulls her partner out of the room, tells us that the two of them will be back and implies that we should have sex. Her blond lover doesn’t object and neither do I.

They leave and I start making out with the blond. Worst kisser ever!!! I can’t even get a fucking erection. I decide to start focusing on her. I start fingering her and magically I started getting into it and visualized the wetness of her vagina on my cock. Instant erection. Within moments we were having sex.

Thank you number 13 for hooking me up with number 17.

The next 7 months part 2

During this period of time it became a whirlwind of drugs, selling the fuck out, competition between speakermen and having a fucking blast. We all were living in the moment thinking we were invincible.

This lifestyle became phenomial and made an awesome group of friends. My main group besides the speaker guys was my boy Eddie, his girl jen, her roommates and friends we met along the way. One night during a party I ended up hooking up with girl number 15. Her name was Shannon and she had always been shy around me. Due to my semi oblivious nature when it came to women at that point I never noticed that she was attracted to me. It took Jen pointing it to me to get me to take action. Armed with this info I sat next to her and started chatting her up. We ended up making out and I told her to come with me. The sensible thing to do would have been to get her to drive 5 mins to my place so we would be undisturbed, but no I chose to drag her into one of the roommates bedrooms.

Huge mistake! Something happened that I will never forget and I’m sure she wont either. I had locked the door behind us and we both proceeded to get naked. I threw on a condom and we started fucking. Next thing that happened was classic and something I hadn’t planned for in my semi drunk state. The roommate came home!!! Out of nowhere there was pounding on the door. I knew that we were fucked so I didn’t stop. I kept having sex with Shannon. Eventually they popped the door open using a kitchen knife. I looked back to see a bunch of faces looking on in horror. I kept pumping away. The girl whose room it was freaked out, started screaming, ran up to me and started punching me. I replied by laughing, pumping Shannon a few more times then hopping off and getting dressed. I never got to finish my act with Shannon and was banned from the house.

Around February or march the company decided it wanted to reconsolidate and go back up to Chicago. I had an issue with that, because I was loving living in florida. I ended up getting approached by J.C. to team up, split from them and do our own thing. He was against changing his life again and relocating back to Chicago because of a girl he had been seeing. I chose to stay even though I didn’t have a lot of money left. In fact due to my reckless lifestyle I was down to my last $50.

J.C. said he’d cover the sets for the first day and we hit the ground running. Building a bankroll was easy and fast. It helped that we were independents now and paid less now. Once again we started smashing that shit. Within a few weeks J.C. was interested in checking out the gym that was by our place. I went with him, but waited outside. While he was outside girl 16, Theresa, walked out the doors. Since she was cute and I was bored I chatted her up. After a bit J.C. got out and I got Theresa’s number.

Over the next few weeks I hadn’t called Theresa and forgot all about her until I randomly ran into her right by the gym. She brought up that I hadn’t called and wanted to know why. I lied and said my phone reset so I lost her number then pretended to resave her number in my phone. We talked a couple times before we hung out. One day I was bored and was on the phone with her so I invited her to come over. She said sure, I gave her my address and did something to make things more interesting….I popped a dose of acid.

She came over and we started to get to know each other better. What ended up being creepy was she was born on Sept 14, 1985… 3 yrs after me. Next thing I knew it was like I was psychic, I had her figured out because of where I was at in my life at her age. I started verbalizing these thoughts and she was shocked that I seemed to know her inside and out. Within an hour we had sex. I have no idea what happened. Maybe it was due to the acid or something, but I only lasted for less than 3 minutes before I came.

This turned into me having to console her about how it wasn’t a mistake that we had sex right away and that a future was still possible. Yeah… I was full of shit. Just saying what she wanted to hear. She went home later and I never talked to her again.

Later down the timeline while one day working with J.C., I was fucking pumped. I saw this chick that was smoking in traffic. I yelled at her to roll down her window and got her to pull over. I chatted her up abit and got her number. For the purposes of this story we will call her Jasmine. We started chatting and hanging out. It started out slow with making out and heavy petting. I found myself sort of liking this chick. We hung out a bunch and had a sleep over at her place.

One night we ended up hanging out with Jen and her new boy toy or whatever he was. Her and Jasmine got to talking while all of us were in the hot tub. Jasmine confessed to Jen that she was super into me which I already knew. A good time was had by all and Jasmine and I went back to my place so she could go home. While in my car we started hooking up and she started to suck my cock. Before it went any further she stopped it and said she had to go before she got into any trouble.

She tried to leave, but found out that she had locked her keys in her car so she was forced to stay at my place. During this time I had no furniture but an air mattress. In our semi sloshed condition we started took hook up again. Clothes came off. Blowjobs happened as well as muff diving. I tried to pull the whole switcheroo. For those not familiar that’s pulling a slight of hand and substituting my cock for my fingers. She caught on to this multiple times and shut me down. I didn’t think to try throwing a condom on. I took it as a sign of rejection. I never ended up fucking her, but wish I did.

I stopped calling her and dodged her calls. Big mistake!! I threw it away when I was on the verge of sex and a possible relationship. She finally called me a month later. Awkward conversation came about, her wondering where I had been and why I didn’t call her back. Oh well another one chalked up due to making a stupid decision and basically shooting myself in the foot as I was at the finish line.

The next 7 months (girl 10- 14)

As I look back on back then. This job was the best thing for me. I started and within 2 months I became a top trainer. About a month later my destiny would come to a crossroads. I had been seeing my second love during this time. basically we were the same as before only without a title or any promise of pursuing a future together.

As it got closer to winter I was presented with an opportunity to move to florida with my company to help them set up a second office. Instead of taking my own personal inititive because of being torn due to my love for my ex, I left that decision in her hand. In a sense I gave her an ultimatum. I told her that I had two weeks to make a decision and told her about the opportunity. I told her that the only thing holding me back was her and wanting to reconcile. She asked to be given 2 weeks to think about it. When the time arose I asked her for an answer, but she couldn't give me one so I left.

A month later she asked me to come back, but it was to late. i spent the next few months kicking ass and taking names when it came down to hustling. for once I really felt good about myself because I was a superstar at what I was doing.

This job lead into girl number 10 through 18.

Girl number 10 was a drunken hookup at northen university of illinois. Nothing special to say about this one. She was wasted at a party and started to seduce me. practically dragged me to her dorm room.

Girl number 11: While pitching people in the parking lot in florida, I saw this chick walking from the back and she had an amazing ass. I flipped the car around and caught up to her before she made it into subway. I got her attention, told her I thought she was beautiful and would love her number to contact her later due to being in a hurry because of work. She gave me her digits and we parted ways.

We chatted a few times over the phone before setting up a date. During the calls and the date there were red flags, but i ignored them anyways. She had just come out of an abusive relationship and became attached to me very quickly. We ended up having sex in my car. the very next day while I was working she went nutso via text and voicemails. I had left my phone on silent and when I checked it I had easily 6 or 7 messages from her ranging from her calling me an asshole for ignoring her to apologizing to other nasty pleasantries. needless to say I crossed this one off the list right away.

Girl 12- This one was fabulous. I was out one night at a pool hall with one of my speaker buddies. At the table next to use were 2 girls and some dude. One chick was a chunker doodle and the other was thins cute columbian chick. her and I kept exchanging glances the entire time. Right before my buddy and I left I walked over to them and chatted them up a bit and got a cigarette. After a few minutes the guy in the group put on his captain alpha cape and got all white ghetto hard. I walked away not wanting to deal with his bullshit. While walking to my car the colombian came outside and yelled my name. I turned around and walked over to her. She asked me for my number, apologized for her friend and kissed me.

We started interacting via text and the phone. her and I set up a double date. I showed up for her and some black dude showed up for her chunker doodle. During pool there was this sexual energy between us and I wound up with a permaboner that popped up. The four of us made it about 45 mins and we had to leave. All of us wanted to get laid. I took the 3 of them to my apartment. During that time I was sharing an apartment with 4 other people.

My bedroom was our living room and we had few items of furniture. Within minutes the black dude and the chunker doodle disappeared into one of my roommates rooms. With my columbian chick in my living room we enjoy a brief chat over a couple of rum and cokes. I stripped her naked as well as myself and had sex with her. During this time the chunker doodle walked in and stuck around to watch us for a minute or two and left the room. After sex I sent everyone on there way due to the restraints of having to work the next day.

Her and I kept in contact, but I dropped the interaction when she brought up having an open relationship.

Girl 13 was another girl that I met while working. I was in traffic and I shouted over to her asking if she wanted a home theater. I got her to pull over, but she couldn't come up with money. Instead I ended up chatting her up, making out with her and getting her number. we chatted for awhile via text and the phone, but couldn't arrange a chance to meet up so i dropped it. About a month later out of the blue she contacted me again. We chatted abit, I lied saying I lost her number and that I had been thinking about her.

We finally got together at her place. We were going to go out, but I started making out with her and got her into the bedroom. This one I guess really cared about me. I lied my way into her pants because I wanted to sample her beautiful puerto rican vagina. afterward I didn't keep her around because I knew she wanted a relationship with me and I wasn't willing.

Girl number 14 was one of 12 in my black book that I have no idea the story behind the sex.

Sometime between girl 13 and 14, I was out with my buddies, C.P. and E.S., while on our way to a club at the Disney Resort Pleasure island I decided to snort a pill of XTC. Inside it turned into a whirlwind of conversation, makeouts and drinks. At some point C.P. introduced me to this hispanic beauty and it was on with her and I. I don't remember what was said, but we ended up making out and it was magical. At the end of the night when the club closed I walked her to the bus so she could go back to her hotel where she was a nanny for a family. I found out she had a boyfriend and kept going with it. I hopped on the bus with her, making out the entire way to her hotel.

Somehow in my drug induced perceptions i thought it would be fine to be able to go up to her room with her. That was a no. we continued our whirlwind short lived romanced by the bathrooms. Due to being in the moment and high, I didn't think to drag her into the bathroom. After awhile she called me a cab and I was sad when i had to leave. I was momentarily in love thanks to the drug. When the cab got there i hopped in and headed toward the vacation house myself and my co-workers were staying.

On the way there I realized that I had no more cash on me and had the cab drop me in the neighborhoods right by my place. I peaced out on the cab and ran my ass home. Upon arrival I turned on the hot tub, nopped in for awhile then went to bed.

Speakers, the art of the sale and the rush

Going into this job I was pretty innocent and naive. Through working on my craft and observing others I learned the psychology of the deal and ways to manipulate language in a way to omit facts and deceitfully tell the truth as well as preying on human emotions like greed and other human desires such as taking advantage of another’s desperation.

The main premise behind this job is letting your buyer believe that what you have is high end stereo equipment that’s extra and you are dumping it for cheap. Each speakerman has his own way of going about it. The most important elements are to embody the role via your emotions, body language and verbal language.

When I started I spoke the truth while at the same time omitting certain truths. Allowing another’s imagination to fill in the blanks of what hinted toward. Due to speaking the truth a new sense of excitement and enthusiasm came out of me and while working I would be transformed from a semi-shy individual to a loud super extroverted person.

This physical feeling as well as the rush of closing a deal became my personal drug. I loved going to work and loved the competition with others in the company I worked for. Within 2 months I became one of their best trainers. Little did how ridiculous the amount of money that was possible to make with this job. That would come years later when I was retrained by one of my friends. Hands down the best speakermen I’ve ever seen in my life. On top of this the path that I was going down had a price and would lead me to further self destruction and the seduction community.

Unhappiness

Up till this point the only thing I had tried was weed, shrooms, coke, heroin and pills.

In high school, during my senior year, I was perpetually stoned. I did this to escape the time that I was required to spend in school. My first three years in high school sucked. everything I had done to piss off the people that I had been in school will followed me and spread. While they flourished and made new friends, I felt that my invisible barrier of who I could be friends with became smaller and smaller.

I hit a point where I dreaded almost every second that I was there. There were few people that I was thankful for. They were underclassmen and didn't know about my past or social status in school. I spent my mornings wake n baking on the way to school. During 2nd hour I'd take a quick hit in the men's bathroom off my one hitter. Then during the end of 3rd or beginning of 4th I'd excuse myself to smoke up quickly to make they time magically disappear in my stoned stuper. Next on the list was lunch time, for the first 3 yrs I did not know what to do with myself. I spent it either in the computer room, hiding out somewhere else or working on something in the general forum. anything to keep me away from the giant room filled with people eating. yes I suffered from social anxiety. I avoided it out of fear of being rejected. It was easier to avoid and lie to myself then face what I ultimately wanted, which was acceptance.

I felt lonely and useless. Don't get me wrong I was smart and excelled at academics, but when it came to people you might as well have put a helmet on me and had me color in the corner of the room with crayons. it felt like i was destined to fail at this. No matter what I did to try to make freinds for the most part i failed. This unhappiness was what lead me to the drugs in the first place. Even worse when people did try to include me I would systematically unconcsiously sabotage my addition. Classic examples included turning down the few parties I was invited to. Sometimes I would come up with the same lame shit as you see in the movie superbad when asked how my weekend was.

Up until the end of my senior year, I had never once gone drunk. Due to not being able to skip school for senior ditch day with out being dropped from two necessary classes, I snuck in a 20 oz bottle filled with vodka and had a juice chaser. There had been a hottie in my math class that sat next to me that I wanted to hook up with so bad. Before and during class I was drinking. I felt this change come over me. I was more comfortable in my own skin, confident and funny. I walked out of that class with her number later to never call her.

This one experience lead me to the rapid hole that is alcohol. After high school, this new found drug became a staple as well as weed. I was responsible thou. I had a job so the weed was a yes during the week but alcohol was saved for the weekends.

No matter how hard I tried I found that I couldn't fix what was going on with me. 1 on 1 i was fine with or without drugs, but make the group more than four or have more than that in the room and I would NEED alcohol or I'd shut down. I never considered myself an addict even though I clearly am one.

Whenever some new drug came around I was down to try it. Always on the search to find something to fix me, even if it was only temporary. Depending on the drug it always amazed me the difference in the DR. Jekll/Mr. Hyde effect it would have on me.

I scoured the internet for legal drugs and experimented with all types of shit. I remember at one point the thought of death came into my conscience. I made a deal with myself I wouldn't slice my wrists, throw myself infront of a bus or hang myself; I promised myself this, but a drug overdose was ok to me. in fact there were times where i consumed more and more just to see what would happen, limits and boundries were replaced with carefree and recklessness. On one such experiment I ate a 1/2 oz of shrooms to come down feeling like I had permanently retarted myself. Within a week I was back to normal and hadn't learned my lesson and the drug/alcohol fueled craze continued.

Looking back I needed help, had opportunities for it and rejected my options at every crossroad i encountered them.

Eventually the way I felt plus a future job would lead into a lifestyle that would continue the downward spiral of unhappiness and provide me with the means to pursue and perpetuate a new level of lifestyle of self destruction.

Becoming a speakerman

While I was working at Burlington coat factory I was absolutely miserable with the job and couldn’t wait to get the fuck out of there. As soon as I got my license back I started answer ads for jobs. This job I happened to stumble across. Their ad stood out to me and said it was delivery. Within 3 days I had the job. My first day training I wasn’t sure what was going on, but went with it. My trainer was my future buddy J.B. he took me and another trainee out. We had a vehicle and a bunch of surround sounds and speakers in the back. He decided to drive out to the suburbs to work. I decided to just chit chat with the guy and figured we were on a delivery.

When he got to where he wanted to work he started pitching people driving. I was taken back by it for a minute, but payed attention. 3 hrs went by and he hadn’t sold anything yet. The other trainee started bitching and moaning. I looked back at him and told him to shut the fuck up and pay attention that this had to work, no way this guy has been doing this for 6 years and doesn’t make money. That was the last we heard him speak. Within the next hour I watched J.B. make $300. I was sold on this job right there and then because within 4 hours he made more than I was currently making in 40 hours.

The very next day I made my first sale and got off training.