Sunday, December 26, 2010

Deja vu, fate and intuition

Everyone tends to have their own ideas of what either of these mean.... and truthfully may never know. Some people believe in psychics. Personally, I feel torn due to con artists and cold readers. if you don't know what I'm talking about look it up on google. Just search cold reading and you'll find tons of books on the subject.

As to the matter at hand I've got to say that I experience these phenemonons very frequently. Sometimes the way things turn out feel as if they are guided by some predestined force.

Case in point: When I was dating the girl that i gave my virginity to. Her and "lily" would hang out at my house with scott from 6th hour on. "Lily" had to be dropped off for her 7th hour class but was free to leave after that. That tended to be the daily routine. Pick the girls up from Hersey high school. trip back to drop her off (it was a 3 minute drive each way) and a second pick up.

One such day I was in a hurry to get her back to school and smashed head on into a neighbor driving that lived 3 houses down. fast forward 2 years later and neither one of our insurances had taken care of her vehicle. I was summoned to downtown chicago to appear for civil court. This ended up as a victory to me because while I was cool and collected, the older asian lady couldn't keep her story together and kept contradicting herself. Needless to say it was ruled in my favor.

On the way back home I had to take the train to another stop where my car was. On this train I would meet the woman that would be my second love (story coming up next post). later in our relationship I found out it was coincidence that we met due to her never taking the brown line, but always taking the red line. For her some force guided her to that train at that precise moment.

Throughout my life this has been a pattern and in these stories to come, some things will be linked and others with be situations gone bad due to not trusting my gut.

Girl #6- Using sex to fill a void

As I popped open my black book to bring forward from the depths of my life the next story, I came across a blank for girl number 5. All I know is I was 20 yrs old that her name was Erika, she was a one night stand and I used sleeping with her as a way to try to cope with the pain I had inside from the loss of my first love. I don't even remember if she was hot, cute or if I even enjoyed the sex.

At this point in my life I hadn't developed the player mindset so I wouldn't just string them along. iId let one run it's course and then move on.

Girl #6 isn't on my facebook so we will go with her real name. Her name is Julie. Scott and I met her and her hotter friend at a bowling alley. Due to not being drinking age yet these were some examples of where I met girls. My friends would hit up malls, parks, movie theaters, pool halls, bowling alleys and festivals when we were on the prowl.

Anyways back to the story, Scott and I ended up approaching them. I saw Julie's friend and knew instantly that she was my physical type. They were both blondes with great tits. My issue though at the time was I was not great dealing with big groups of people and some times I pussed out on pursuing the girl I really wanted. I guess the fear of rejection with the hotter ones made me care more about not getting rejected and due to earlier rejections in jr. high and high school I avoided these when possible. It also didn't help that I was lone wolfish for the most part and tended to be shy. Being able to meet new people outside of high school allowed me to kinda breakaway from that shy persona. Looking back, what made it easier was that I knew in my mind that even if I bombed with these new interactions I most likely would never see them ever again which wasn't the case in school.

Being with Scott when picking up girls always gave me extra courage. I had an ally by my side that was funny and good with women. he started conversation with the girls and it split into two conversations. Julie and I, Scott and the other. Over the course of the interaction, I got Julie's number and Scott got the others number and we set something up to hang out later that night.

When we got over there it started out fine and the girls busted out the booze which for me was epic. For those that know me, alcohol makes me more social and hornier. After we all got a good buzz on I started to notice that Julie was looking prettier to me and was focusing more on me than the group. Scott whispered in my ear that I should make a move.

I ended up making out with her and pulled her into her room. After a bit of fast foreplay we were having sex. Within 2 to 3 minutes I ended up cumming. She wasn't happy with that. then gave me feedback on my performance saying the up and down motion she liked, but the circular motion she didn't really care for. Thanks maxim magazine.

Anyways we ended up going back out to the living room. We all hung out for a bit and then Scott and I left. I ended up hanging out with her one last time. I spent the night at her place, had sex with her and in the morning she gave me a blowjob followed by a speech about how the last guy she fucked said he wanted a relationship to get into her pants.

Over the next few days i realized that I really didn't care for Julie one way or the other so I sent left her a message on her phone (back then I was rocking a pager and would call from public phones). The message went something of the lines of this: "Hey Julie it's Jared. I'm just calling to let you know that I don't really plan on hanging out with you. Not really feeling the vibe between us so let's just leave it at that".

Within a few minutes she blew up my pager 4 or 5 times. I didn't respond back partially because I was on the prowl with Scott. We ended up going to the same bowling alley to cruise for some new ones. Guess who we ran into... Julie. Yep, talk about awkward.

Either to be a friend, sexual partner or enter into a relationship

Up until girl #4, I had idealized love, but didn't know what it was or felt like. After her and I broke up I knew I was changed. I was no longer willing to jump into relationships just because a woman was pretty or funny. For me, it was like living a normal lifestyle then winning the lotto. No one wants to go back to that previous lifestyle. I made a rule for myself unless I had feelings or was in love with a woman I wasn't willing to jump into the third category.

I rationalized it to myself that if there was nothing there feelings wise on my part, it would end up being a waste of time for myself and the girl. Sure we could have fun together, but a relationship is like a promise. In that scenario, in my mind it would be an injustice to the two of us. Staying in something that I had no feelings would keep us from meeting others that we possibly could have a future with. All most could hope for was either being my friend, someone I semi hooked up with or someone I had sex with because after all I was still a guy, loved sex and wasn't about to deny myself of that. That first love experience changed me and set me down the wild ride I've been on every since.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

The age of XTC and douchebaggery

Feeling lost and alone, due to my break up with my first love, I turned to the only thing I knew that would make me feel wonderful again, XTC. I started rolling on average once a month. I kept it a secret from my parents thou. They had known that I had used before due to being arrested with pills on me. It was absolutely hilarious when they pulled a semi-intervention by making me watch the oprah special on it.

Right before meeting girl number 4, one night Scott and I were smoking weed in my car roughly in our neighborhood when out of nowhere there was a knock on the passenger side window. We immediately thought it was a cop, instead it was some kid. Scott rolled down the window and the new kid offered for us to smoke at his house. New friend! Over the next few weeks of hanging out with Shawn, Scott and I noticed that Shawn didn't seem to be all there. He became the friend that we secretly laughed at behind his back.

Some of the highlights included:

Shawn getting girl number 4's number due to me texting her from her phone and then calling her to try to pick her up.

Scott and I later meeting 2 girls, getting drunk with them, and me getting a blowjob from one of them. I told Shawn this the following day when the 3 of us hung out with the girls the next day and watching him make out with the girl that blew me the night before.

Shawn telling us that Eminem and Dr. Dre were stealing his raps of his computer.

Shawn telling us that Eminem and 50 cent were arrested in front of his house for having a pound of weed in their vehicle.

Shawn telling his grandma that we let him in on his hallucinations not being real and being put in a mental hospital.

2 girls tricking Shawn into pulling his penis and sticking it through the car window of the car they were driving and them rolling the window up on it.

And my personal favorite:

One night the 3 of us going over to calvin's and getting drunk. Outside Shawn flipped out and started a fight with me. Scott broke it up and we got in the car. I was still pissed so later on when we were right by our houses I decided to take the cigarette I was smoking and put it out on his face. As this happened we were going through a turn, he took his eyes off the road to keep yell at me. We started driving through someone's front yard. While he continued yelling at me, Scott and I kept looking back at each other and back to the road as we hurled like a missle toward the house head on.

As we gained on the house, we both yelled at Shawn "Shawn! House! Shawn! House!". He turned the wheel, but didn't slow down. He ended up smashing into their car which pushed into another car with smashed into a boat.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Girl # 4- My first love

This one changed the way I looked at the dating scene. If I hadn't fallen in love with her I might have become a player right at this time.

It was almost 6 months after I lost my virginity and at the time I was talking to this persian chick I met at Hot topic while I was stoned and with my friends. I was playing it slow with her because at this current stage of my life I was still kinda new to making a move on women. I could talk to them, but if I was high or sober I had to work up my confidence.

One night while I was hanging out with Patrick I received from one of my friends. He was with 2 other people and wanted some pot. I told him I'd call him back and I hit up a few of my dealers. Of the ones I called only one had some stuff, but was in chicago so it would be a bit before she got back to the suburbs.

I hit my buddy up, told him the news and proposed that we go shoot some pool at MGM. They came and picked me up. As soon as they arrived I noticed that the driver "swedish fish" was extremely cute. We all hit MGM. During the time there I got to know "swedish fish" a bit. My dealer ended up falling through, but that was a blessing in disguise because pot is my social kryptonite.

After awhile one of the guys had to go home. When we dropped him off the second one tried to tag along, but "swedish fish" and I decided to give him the boot so we could be alone to get to know each other.

We end up bouncing to IHOP because there was really nothing else open. As we talked I noticed that my perception of her changed as did the way I felt. In front of me she had transformed into this beautiful woman that seemed to glow. We ended up making out and becoming bf/gf that same night.

A couple weekends later I went over to her friend July's place for a get together. I brought Scott with me. Next thing I know Scott and myself are handed XTC. We all had a blast and in the morning I went home. Still in a euphoric state I had to face a pissed off father. He took my keys from me and grounded me from my truck due to his name being on the title. My mom being the sweet heart that she was gave me the vehicle that he was driving because she owned it.

It was kinda like a slap in the face to my old man. Best part about it was he had a sticker that said "Save a horse Ride a cowboy". I altered this to say "Save a ho Ride a cow".

Our relationship only lasted 6 months due to her having to go away for college and I couldn't visit due to losing my license because of speeding tickets. This left me devastated feeling like I would never find love again.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Girl number 3- I love you

Around Jan/Feb of 2002, I ended up meeting girl number 3. I'm going to start up with the backstory to this because it's pretty funny and twisted at the same time.

One night before meeting her, I was hanging out with my friend Kevin, Calvin and another guy. We ended up stopping by "lily's" place to hang out for a bit and Calvin explained his undying crush on her. This ended up weirding her out and she went inside. Calvin decides to call up this other girl that he likes. She invites us to come over, says she's hanging with some friends.

On the way over I decide to stop at my house. I pop inside and grab an 1/8 of shrooms . I figure fuck it I'm going to have an interesting night regaurdless. I toss the keys to Calvin and devour the goods.

By the time we get there I'm tripping balls. Good thing too, the girl calvin is interested in cute, but god damn the other chicks are whales. Easily 300+ each. The girls bring up the brilliant idea of watching a movie. About five minutes into it I get bored as fuck and go to the backyard to smoke a cigarette. Somehow the next two hours go by and I find myself re-entering the house. Over the course of the next hour I end up getting the cute girls number.

Sometime during the week I call this girl up and end up at her house. I meet her parents and we head into her room. Within the next 30 mins or so later I find myself getting a blowjob. I end up finishing up and no more than 2 mins goes by and the dad walks in the room. Thank god for beautiful timing. About an hour or so later I leave and never call her again.

About a month or so goes by and I find myself stopping at steak n shake to take a piss. Guess who's there. That chick that gave me head. She introduces me to her friends. One of them is "Polish 15 yr old". She's absolutely smoking hot. Her and I hit it off great and exchange numbers.

Over the next week her and I talk on the phone and set up a date to hang out. I end up picking her up and bringing her over to my house. I make myself a malibu rum and pineapple juice. Her and I hang out in my room talking about normal teenage bullshit. As we are making out I slip off her pants, panties and go down on her. She tells me she's a virgin and gives me her virginity. Halfway through sex I notice that it starts to feel better. I bust a nut, pull out and realize that I had broken the condom before cumming.

At this point I've never had this happen and I'm freaking out abit. Next thing that comes out of her mouth is "It's ok babe. Don't worry I still love you". Needless to say this does not make me feel any better so I hit up my friend Scott. He tells me to get the morning after pill and off to the internet I go. We order it through planned parenthood and head back to my room to take advantage of the situation. I bang her raw dog and blow another load inside. Afterwards we hit up walgreens and pick up her script.

Over the next week my friend Scott meets her. Afterwards he asks me why I'm dating her because she's as dumb as a box of rocks. The only thing I can think up is that she's hot and the sex is good.

A couple weeks later I dump her in front of Scott by telling her some lame excuse of not being over my ex.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Girl number 2- Just a work fling

Before "the russian" had broken up with me I had made friends with a really hot skinny blonde named Michelle. Lucky for me she sat at the work desk directly behind me at this scam of this refilled toner cartridge place.

When I met her it was totally platonic. We started out with basic shit. Our pasts, drug and alcohol stories, etc. She had a boyfriend and I had a girlfriend so it was whatever in my mind, even though I caught myself checking her out from time to time. Over a couple weeks we became pretty good friends with a little bit of flirting thrown into the mix. For my birthday, she was the first person to give me actual XTC.

We started taking smoke breaks and lunch together. During lunch it was very customary for us to smoke some pot. Back then that was my number one vice, with cigarettes coming in at a close second.

Then one day as I was smoking out of my one hitter in her car she proposed a question "Hey, do you want to bang?", I told her sure and the very next day we hopped in her car to get the deed done. We ended up in a church parking lot fucking in her backseat. wasn't the sweetest position at all, but we made the most of it.

A few days later I wanted a more pleasurable experience so I suggested we go to my place. She asked if it was close and I totally lied. I lived a good 20 mins from work and we had a 30 minute lunch break. By the time we were done and got back we had been gone for 2 and a half hours. Needless to say we both got suspended from work the rest of the day. i also forgot to mention that the office manager lived in the same building as Michelle. Not sure how that went over outside of work.

After that she started to slack at work and just wanted to talk to me instead of work. Her lack of work performance didn't fly with the office manager and we were separated, eventually she was fired and that was the end of my fling. I was put in a separate room with 3 other women. One that looked like my ex, a hispanic and a married black woman that had a crush on me.

The experience with the 3 of them was awesome. we would talk about sex and all types of other shit. They knew I had fucked michelle and the black woman kept wanting to hang out with me during lunch. She became my alcohol hookup for fridays. During lunch with her on fridays, I would make a run to the liquor store, I'd grab a bottle of malibu and proceed to get drunk at work.

On one such day the hispanic decided to complain about how the guy she was seeing had a tiny penis. I told her that sucked and told them how big mine was. immediately the black woman walked over and was like "Let me see! Let me see!". we closed the doors to the room. I jerked myself to full erection under my desk then showed the girls.

2 weeks later I was fired over some bullshit of being late.

Finally losing my virgintiy

In february of 2001 I met the woman that I would lose my virginity and once again it had to do with my friend Patrick. For the sake of this story we will call her "the russian".

Here's the back story. About half a year earlier, Patrick and I were at randhurst mall trying to pickup chicks. After awhile we decided to just chill up in the food court. Across the way there were these 2 girls and a guy. Surprising both of us they got up and walked up to us. As they were coming over I whispered to him "which one do you want?". He told me the shorter one. We'll call her "lily".

I owed him this due to a scenario weeks ago when I set him up for failure. At the same mall we had been doing the same thing, trying to pick up chicks. He casually mentioned that he saw some chick that he thought was attractive, but he was being a pussy about it so I ran over there and started talking to her. In our brief conversation I told her that my buddy was shy and wanted to meet her. She told me she had a boyfriend. i went back to him and lied to him. I told him she was single and wanted to meet him. He rushed over there and awkwardly started talking to her while I watched the whole thing. Out of nowhere he got swarmed by all her friends that had been shopping. I stood there and laughed as he was surrounded by 6 other girls. Epic fail for sure.

Anyways back to the backstory, the girls came over and asked if they could join us. I guess the guy they were with had met them both online and invited them both on a date at the same time. We all chatted a bit and Pat asked for the shorter one's number and got it. The other one offered hers. I took it, but really didn't care because even though she was cute I wasn't into the chemistry.

Fast forward to months after they broke up. Patrick and I were at woodfield mall to, you guessed it, pick up girls. We ended up running into "the russian" and "lily", this ended up being very awkward because Patrick AND "the russian" decided to not talk. This left "lily"and I stuck in conversation. I thought "the russian" was very beautiful so I asked "lily" if she had a boyfriend. This got her to pipe up and proclaim "why don't you ask me yourself?" in a cocky sort of way.

The rest of the time at the mall was spent split into two groups. "the russian" and I were 1. Patrick and "lily" were number 2. Her and I clicked, had a great conversation with her and asked her for her number. To my surprise she gave it to me. I called her the next time and we got to know each other more and more. we would spend hours on the phone. At sometime around 12:30am on Valentine's day I asked her to be my girlfriend. Once again she surprised me and said yes. I made plans to see her later after she got off work at randhurst.

Later that night just as I was preparing to leave, my stoner buddies Scott and Mike called me. Turned out they were parked in my driveway. I ended up trying to bribe them to leave me alone by letting them borrow my bong. This did not work so I thought of the only thing I could do. I went with them and got them to drive towards randhurst. I sat back and waited for Mike to say something to insult me, which he always did, he was an asshole like that. As soon as we were close and he had played his role i told him to stop the fucking car. I got out, they tried to get me to get back in and I told them to fuck off. I walked the few blocks to randhurst.

While there I hung out with "the russian" and didn't make a move, all I did was keep talking. Finally she shut me up by kissing me and we started making out.

The next month was typical. Hanging out, fooling around and enjoying each others time. On our 1 month-versary we were in my car and she asked if i wanted to have sex with her. I said yes and clothes came off. I fucked her for an hour and gave her my virginity, but couldn't cum for some reason. We had to stop to pick up our friends. I had hooked Scott up with "lily".

Next we started having sex regularly at my house and I'd always have the same problem. i copuld bust a nut from a blow job, but for some reason with a condom on i could last forever and not cum. it sucked. One day she came over when I was stoned as fuck (which she didn't approve of. I was kinda the bitch in the relationship. I allowed her to have the double standard of it was ok for me to smoke if she wanted to smoke, but not if she didn't want to). I some how managed to play it off for half an hour till we got in the bedroom. Sex felt so different. After awhile I felt all this pressure and it was like I was going to piss. I was scared to let it out, but went with it anyways. To my surprise I came and it was fantastic. From that moment forward I never had a problem busting a nut during sex.

Before I get to how the relationship ended I'm going to give you a fucked up story. Please never try to attempt this. One day when my parents weren't home I obviously decided to take advantage of the situation. I slid her underwear to the side and undid ONLY my zipper due to not knowing when they'd be back. We started to have sex and after awhile it started to hurt, but still felt good. Next thing I knew my parents pulled in the drive way. we scrambled to get ourselves situated when I noticed something. My zipper had been acting like a saw tearing through the skin of my cock. Needless to say it was a week and a half before I could have sex again.

Anyways on to the breakup. Starting from the beginning of september she started acting like a cunt to me. I thought she was just PMSing. Turns out she was trying to get me to breakup with her becaause she had feelings for her boss. She dumped me 3 days before my 19th birthday.

It sucked. The silver lining out of that was that led into girl number 2, but that's another story.

The quest to lose my virginity and failing

In my junior year I had an opportunity with a chick that was completely my type. The downside was she was dating one of my friends. Needless to say this didn't happen.

During my senior year, I had four opportunities to lose it.

The first of these was this chick that wanted to date me. She would leave notes on my locker. Make sure to stop by 2x a day. It all started because I ended up tutoring her in math. Yea.... there was no way in hell I was going for it. She was absolutely fugly.

The second and 3rd opportunities were through friends. One of them was super fat and the other was my friend Rob's girlfriend. She wanted to cheat on him with me. Once again another ugly chick that I wouldn't have touched with Rob's dick.... and don't get me started on the fatty. I was around 140lbs at the time. She must have been easily 260-300.... I wanted to lose it for sure, but there was no way I couldn't bring myself to bang that.

The fourth was this girl that I found out later was very sexually promiscuous. I was hanging out with her and my friend Mike, smoking weed and driving around. After dropping Mike off, her and I were alone in my car. We started making out and I put my hand down her pants. Stupid ass me didn't undo the button on her pants and I couldn't find her vagina. Next I knew my stoned ass said something completely stupid "Damn girl I feel like I'm on a hunt and I can't find your treasure". Needless to say she pulled my hand out of her pants. On top of that an hour later I ran out of gas and we had to sleep in my car. Once again my lack of experience shined though. I might have been able to get a blowjob, but i didn't think to try. I ended up calling my dad in the morning and the result of breaking curfew cost me a month of being grounded.

Weed and Mushrooms- My introduction to drugs

I remember the first time that I smoked weed. I was 15 and working at subway. Just as my shift was over this chick from the Jewel next door stopped in and offered to get my co-worker Ira high. he turned it down, looked at me and told me I could. Being the type I decided to give it a go. I rollerbladed myself over to her and took a couple hits off the joint. She left and I decided to hang out with my coworker for a bit. After a few minutes I started to feel different. All the food looked so good. I asked Ira if I could have all the cookies since we were going to be throwing them out anyways. He gave me five and I skated home. Little did I know that I would become a pothead going into my senior year.

My senior year rocked in a sense. My pattern once again was pretty simplistic. Wake and bake then during third hour I'd ask to go to the bathroom (I'd smoke a bowl in there really quick). 6th hour was always a toss up for me. That was my lunch and the only other class I had left was zoology. Such a joke of a class, all we did was watch movies and color in our workbooks. Some days I'd ditch and head to my buddy Tom's house down the street from "L" to get baked. When gymnastics season came around I'd just go back to school high as shit.

After I graduated I got a job part time at UPS. Here I met another fellow stoner that I will nickname "the retarded hamster" (you'll find out why that nickname later). Back to the story, one day while chilling with my friend Scott I decided to call up "TRH". He told me he was bored, but had some shrooms. I invited him over, smoked him up and he gave Scott and I an 1/8 to split. Needless to say an hour later things got nuts.

Upon comedown, I realized that I wanted to do it again in the future. I decided to do some research online and found out about state law and learned the theory behind growing them. I ordered all the supplies (cost me roughly $200) and began growing them in my closet.

Right before new year's eve I had already succeeded in growing my first harvest. On a comedown from a trip I realized that one thing that was missing in my life was female companionship. Within a week I started dating one of my friends. This courtship only lasted till right after Xmas.

Come NYE Scott and I had no other plans than tripping. I called up "TRH" to find out what he was up to. He informed me that he was about to take off for a rave in wisconsin. Scott and I grabbed a 1/4 ounce of shrooms and ventured of to his house. This was to be my first rave of many. About 20 mins from the venue, Scott and I each ate an 1/8. They started kicking in while we were in line to get tickets.

Once inside I looked left and saw a moon bounce. I sprinted full speed to it. As I entered I saw pretty much everyone vegged out. At the time I didn't know they were rolling. Someone handed me a set of glow sticks and I became a source of entertainment for everyone bouncing and flipping around. After awhile I got bored so Scott and I went to find "TRH". I guess he had found some XTC by this time and was dancing his ass off. there was a few people surrounding him. One of the guys next to me commented that he looked like a retarded hamster having a seizure and the nickname stuck.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

My sexual awakening and first couple sexual experiences

From where I am today I can laugh about these experiences.

I sexually started awakening when I was in 5th grade. Even though I tried on a few times I failed with the opposite sex, either because of being rejecting, rejecting an offer myself or being oblivious to what was in front of me.

I have got to say my favorite blunder during this time was "L".

When I was at Windsor, I mentioned to another kid that I had a crush on "L". Little did I know that I would be cornered by her and her friends days later. She told me that she didn't see me that way and it that was the first time a girl made me cry.

2 yrs later the dumbass that I was, was put in a scenario to ask her out. This kid I had in my class named Andrew knew I liked her, was friends with her and kept pestering me to basically man up and ask her out. Finally I decided to go for it. After class I stopped her in the hall and began to speak. I was so nervous that I totally blew it. I remember it like yesterday. Instead of keeping it short and sweet, my brain decided to reject myself before she had a chance to. Out my mouth came "Hey 'L' I was wondering if you'd like to go on a date. it's ok if you say no because I'm only asking you because this is a dare". Her smile faded and she walked away.

The next 5 years were a sequence of routine. For the most part, avoid talking to people at school unless necessary (my self image and my experiences with classmates reinforced this) then after school masterbating to TRL, movies and sometimes cartoons.

Fast forward to age 17.

Definitely have to thank my friend Patrick for these ones.

Going into the summer between my junior and senior year I had yet to kiss a kiss a girl after starting puberty.

One day Patrick hit me up, said he wanted to see his girlfriend who was visiting her cousin in buffalo grove and wanted me to tag along. Obviously I was innocent and didn't know shit when it came to women. While hanging out the cousin and I hit it off so patrick and his girl left the room to be alone. I ended up making out with this girl for 45 mins, but I didn't have the stones to go for sex, a blowjob or even try to finger her.

I kicked myself in the ass for that mistake and promised myself that if I found myself in a similar situation I would at least attempt to move it forward.

A few weeks later, I found myself with Patrick at the local teen center. While hanging out Patrick ended up talking to some girls. Turns out the indian girl had a crush on me. Patrick told me and I took her for a walk to rec park. On the way we talked about meaningless stuff. When we got to the building I checked the side door and to my surprise I found it to be open. I took her to the basement and we started making out in a semi dark room. I got aroused and decided to unzip my pants and pull my cock out. I put her hand on it and she looked at me quizzically, I gently pushed down on the top of her head and told her to put it in her mouth.

I fucked her face until I came in her mouth. Afterwards she swallowed then asked (and I shit you not) "Am I going to have a baby now?". I wasn't really into her, but she was into me wanting to be my girlfriend. I made up some bullshit about how I was going to be a senior in high school and she was 15 so it would never work out because we were from different worlds. Then tried to pawn her off on Patrick.

The beginning

My childhood was an interesting experience. I was raised in a home that wasn't the best, but considerably not the worst situation to be in. As a child I absorbed what I saw and was a hyper child. I somewhat kept to myself due to being an only child. Upon my discovery of self awareness around age ten a lot of things had happened to me that set me on my path.

From what I remember my family hadn't truly provided me with the proper tools for socializing in society. I do take partial responsibility. For one I didn't express my distress or ask for help also I did self sabotage my social life at school due to the animosity I carried with me due to the constant fighting of my parents. This action alone haunted me constantly until I graduated high school.

High school sucked and was hell for me.

A state of where I'm at

My real name is Jared Dwyer and this is my story. This blog will showcase the good, bad, embarrassing and strange shit that's happened in my life.

As I find myself in the process of a new journey I feel it's time to tell my story. For some, you my realize that the story is about you, but don't worry some of the names will be changed for anonymity. I do realize that this blog my cause me to lose some people from my facebook, but whatever this is the story of my life. What you may read in these posts my be shocking for some of you. Be warned this blog is a journey of sex, drugs and other things.... and remember I started with the best of intentions.