The next 7 months part 4

During this period of freedom and independence my internal feelings and everyday emotions started to diminish. I became more and more depressed gradually over time. Even though at my core my job wasn’t in line with who I was as a person I denied this as a possible reason. I rationalized to myself that it must be because of the loss of my second love. That it was finally catching up with me. I covered these feelings with partying and drugs. This went on for a bit, I still kept doing what I was doing and on one fateful night while at a underground club looking for pills I met girl # 18.

It was nearing the end of the night and I ran across a very cute chick by one of the speakers. We chatted a bit and really hit it off. By the end of the night we had made out and exchanged numbers. We had a few phone calls before I picked her up for a date. Little did I know she lived in a halfway house. Was very interesting to meet all her roomies.

Anyways back to the story, we chatted the entire way to the beach. We laid down on a towel, had a couple beers and eventually I convinced her that it would be ok to have sex on the beach under the stars. Due to the rush and thrill of possibly getting caught I ejaculated within minutes. It was a good thing to because within a couple more minutes some dude came over to warn us about cops patrolling the beach. We hung out for a bit mire then I dropped her back off.

The next girl on my list is a question mark. I don't remember any details other than it says her name is stacy and she was 30 when I was 22. Couldn't tell you if the sex was good, if I was wasted or if she was even hot.

Some time after this last sexual encounter I guess I still longed for love. My second love and I had been chatting on a regular basis. Due to our conversations I was lead to believe that she still wanted to be with me so in July of 2006 I packed all my stuff and drove 20 hours straight back to Chicago for a shot at love with my ex. The first time we hung out she decided to mention that she hoped that I didn’t move back here for her.

This fucking devasted me because not only had I left my previous life to come back to chicago, but due to not keeping up with my some of my previous friendships, what I had before had atrophied on top of my ex not wanting to be with me.